Personally Thanking Alan Greenspan

Dear Mr. Greenspan,

How cool is this? Fanni Mae ( was that the redneck Barbie in Beverly Hillbillies?), Wachovia, InterMac, Banks collapsing, investment firms failing, governments bailing, the whole stinking confidence game choking on it's own hubris, and where are you hiding Alan? I need to thank you and your Wall Street Journal syncophants for all you've done. The New York Times warns us that "the failure of just one of the companies could be catastrophic for economies around the globe". Interesting, because I remember you saying how independent and stable this whole system was. Maybe you need to get off the meth.

The same article described these country cousin mortgage lenders as "government -sponsored- enterprises", (known in the former USSR as "collectives") even though Henry Paulsen just made a point of calling them "shareholder owned"? Confusion? Wouldn't Lockheed and General Dynamics and General Mills and General Petraeus also be "government-sponsored-enterprises"? The American people are in need of some soothing reassurances . The propagandists are now saying the bailouts could help "spare strapped homeowners from the WRATH of the market" but this is also confusing , Alan. Do markets really act in such emotive fashion? I thought it was a purely rational process? "Creative Destruction" and all, that, you remember, weeding out the bad actors, rewarding the clever ones.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for all your hard work, and while I'm sure you're still mourning the loss of your old guru buddy Milton, I hope you can find some comfort in the fact that at least you ended up rich enough to "weather the storm" as they say.

Deepest regards, Troutsky